Thursday, July 15, 2004

Naked Emperor

Kobe's Choice: Lakers

Well, congratulations, Mr. Bryant. $136 million over seven years is nothing to sneeze at for someone my age. I know I'd be content with job security until age 32 and the knowledge that I never have to work another day in my life anywhere that I'm not considered the top dog.

I suspect this financial windfall and the power you've so longed to have throughout your tempestuous relationship with Shaq and Phil will not be enough to satisfy you, though. Lamar Odom, Brian Grant, and Caron Butler aren't an appropriate nucleus for a championship team; if your tears in 2003 when the Spurs eliminated you were real, well, get ready to feel that pain year after year. Without Shaq to help you out, Tim Duncan's Spurs and Kevin Garnett's Wolves will eat your puny Lakers for breakfast. All the money in the world may help you swallow that bitter pill, and the life perspective you get from being on trial for your life may make losing in the second round seem a less terrible fate than it once did. It's not like the Clippers were going to provide you with some path to playoff glory, I know, but I hope you realize what your antics in L.A. have done. I suspect we've seen the last of you in the NBA Finals for a great many years to come.

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