Endgame

Apocalypse (Almost) Now

Nicholas Kristof tackles a tough topic in the wake of our bruising election: What do these red-staters believe? Well, this, for one thing:

The "Left Behind" series, the best-selling novels for adults in the U.S., enthusiastically depict Jesus returning to slaughter everyone who is not a born-again Christian. The world's Hindus, Muslims, Jews and agnostics, along with many Catholics and Unitarians, are heaved into everlasting fire: "Jesus merely raised one hand a few inches and . . . they tumbled in, howling and screeching."

Gosh, what an uplifting scene!

If Saudi Arabians wrote an Islamic version of this series, we would furiously demand that sensible Muslims repudiate such hatemongering. We should hold ourselves to the same standard.

Kristof isn't some far-left lunatic; he's proven himself quite sensible. So it's good to see him--and not Michael Moore--making this point, because it bears consideration. If these are the folks who returned Bush to office, and they believe they're living in the end times, well...

Isn't it possible they voted for Bush because they think he's better qualified to bring the world to an end? He certainly appears to be trying!

In any case, Kristof notes the hypocrisy in proclaiming the apocalypse and profiting from it:

Now we have the hugely profitable "Left Behind" financial empire, whose Web site flatly says that the authors "think this generation will witness the end of history." The site sells every "Left Behind" spinoff imaginable, including screen savers, regular prophecies sent to your mobile phone, children's versions of the books, audiobooks, graphic novels, videos, calendars, music and a $6.50-a-month prophesy club. This isn't religion, this is brand management.

If Mr. LaHaye and Mr. Jenkins honestly believe that the end of the world may be imminent, why not waive royalties? Why don't they use the millions of dollars in profits to help the poor - and increase their own chances of getting into heaven?

I could answer that question, but the cynicism might melt your computer screen.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving, and when you look around the table at your evangelical relatives and find them staring at you with a mix of pity and contempt, try not to be freaked out. They're just thinking about how you're going to be tossed into a flaming chasm by Jesus and feeling (a) bad that you won't repent your reality-based ways and (b) superior. Don't worry; next Thanksgiving, they'll be able to give you the same look. And the Thanksgiving after that, and after that, and after that...