Tuesday, June 28, 2005


My Turn: I'm Not Willing to Settle for Crumbs

This piece by Kim Severson hit MSNBC at an interesting time, the same day that Same Sex America premiered on Showtime. Severson writes about how she wants to have a real wedding to her partner rather than driving to Massachusetts, lying to the clerk, and getting a license that is meaningless anywhere else. I'm with her there; I want what I can get in my town, whatever it is, and I want what I can get to get better quickly so I don't have to worry unduly about what happens if there's a car accident or a house fire or...

The point is, I want all the practical aspects of marriage: joint filing of taxes, a simple title on the house, no-questions-asked visitation at the hospital, and automatic inheritance. But now Severson, in tandem with Same Sex America's tearjerking portrayal of seven gay couples getting married, has gone and forced me to think about something I thought I didn't really care about. Given the option to have a quickie wedding, which is all I really thought I wanted, here's what she said:
The truth was, we didn't want to rush it. Isn't the whole point of getting married to have your brothers make stupid toasts and your mother cry and your friends swear to help keep you together when you're falling apart—to craft a public sharing of love? Marriage is not about driving to a place where you don't live or settling for a ceremony that will be recognized only there.

It's my wedding, damn it. I don't want the crumbs. I want the whole cake.
Craft a public sharing of love? That sounds kind of nice, and I don't mean in the orgy sense. Who doesn't want a big party and lots of gifts and a band?

OK, maybe not a band. And perhaps not the "stupid toasts." But the rest of this, well, I have to think about it.

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