Wrong Issue

During last week's Republican debate, Wolf Blitzer asked any GOPer on the stage to speak up if he supported changing the military's don't ask, don't tell policy to allow gays and lesbians to serve openly. His invitation was left unopened; nary a Republican, even Ron Paul, spoke up. Meanwhile, every Democrat, when offered the same invite, raised a hand to indicate that he or she favored a change.

It's nice to know who our "friends" are, I suppose, and who would prefer that we be shot down for holding hands in public in America rather than defending our country in uniform somewhere else. But I have to ask: Why is this the issue on which Democrats have decided to unite in our favor?

I know, I know--the ability to serve in the country's military is a cherished opportunity to serve. But shouldn't the nation deserve our defense before we rise to provide it? It's all well and good that Democrats have finally decided that a gay man or lesbian is fit to defend the country. But why should we decide to do so?

They've put things in the wrong order. The first step to first-class citizenship isn't being offered the chance to take a bullet for the team. It's being made an equal member of the team, one who can't be fired from a job, military or civilian, simply for being gay. It's being offered the same rights and privileges as other Americans, including the right to form a lasting relationship that the government will recognize. It's knowing that if you leave a partner behind when you serve, he or she will receive the same benefits as anyone else's left-behind spouse, both while you're overseas and in the unfortunate event of your death. Until these basic rights are guaranteed, I don't care whether we're asking or telling: I am telling you, I am not going. And neither should other gays and lesbians. When a Democrat brings forward serious legislation to end don't ask, don't tell, he or she should, at the very least, include:

• a repeal of the provision of the Defense of Marriage Act that forbids the federal government to recognize gay marriages, along with a requirement that it recognize any marriage or marriage-like institution into which states allow their citizens to enter, and apply that recognition to the tax system, Social Security, etc.;
• the full provisions of the employment non-discrimination act, with protections for housing as well;
• hate-crime language that makes gays and lesbians a protected class along with racial minorities;
• and language that would create parity between the immigration law for same and opposite sex couples.

Is this so much to ask before we serve the country?

Moving On

Big Love - TV - Review - New York Times

Enough ink and bits have been spilled over the ending of The Sopranos in the last 20 hours to keep even the fastest reader busy until autumn. But if you'd rather recover from your Bobby Bacala-sized TV hangover with some hair of the dog, I've got good news: Big Love is back tonight, and it's a really good show. Virginia Heffernan has the scoop:

It’s ingenious, HBO’s latest dark joke, and it investigates the same theme of family separatism that “The Sopranos” and “Six Feet Under” did. But let’s not kid ourselves. The quality of “Big Love” doesn’t even matter, does it?

The truth is, we have no choice but to watch, at least during this difficult time. “Big Love” is like Nicorette or Methadone. With the lights out on “The Sopranos,” and “Six Feet Under” a distant memory, we’re dope-sick, hard up for the bliss of great serialized fiction. A widespread tremor can already be detected among television viewers, and the street price of even midgrade drama has jumped.

So unless we rediscover novels or fresh air, we’re going to be watching some “Big Love” this summer.

If you're just jumping in now, DVR tonight's first episode and take a quick trip through the first season on DVD or, perhaps, On Demand (Comcast had the entire series available there when I checked last week). It's only an hour a week, after all--you'll still have plenty of time for novels and fresh air.

Out, Out

‘Grey’s’ says so long to Isaiah Washington - Television - MSNBC.com

It's a bad day to be a homophobe! First Isaiah Washington loses his job on Grey's Anatomy, and while he may be "mad as hell," I'm pleasantly surprised. Combined with T.R. Knight's pay raise this week, Grey's has sent a very positive message.

And just now it's being announced that Peter Pace, who compared being gay to committing adultery, is losing his job as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The reason given was that after six years as chair or vice-chair, Pace's re-confirmation hearings would have been contentious and focused on the past, and I'm sure that's true. But still, to see him go so soon after his buffoonish comments is pleasing.

What gay-bashing prominent figure will be next?

Wanted: Trader Joe's in Schaumburg

A month or so ago, I filled out a little online suggestion form on the Trader Joe's Web site, asking the company to add a store in Schaumburg, Illinois. It occurs to me, though, that I may not be the only person who has had this thought. So I encourage anyone who has come across this site in his or her own quest to find out if Trader Joe's has plans to open a Schaumburg location to contact the company, as I did, and ask it to open one.

Where? I suggested two spots. One, with high visibility, is the site of the recently closed Tower Records on Golf Road. It has lots of windows, which appear to be a TJ priority. The other will be available soon; CompUSA, right down the road, is also on its way out in a strip that includes a World Market. Seems like a perfect match, doesn't it?

Why Schaumburg? Because it's the center of a little economic unit with tons of traffic. Almost 100,000 people work within a few miles of the two locations I've proposed, and tens of thousands more live just beyond the businesses that employ them. On weekends Woodfield is a shopping magnet; on weekdays the store would be filled with lunch-break shoppers picking up a sandwich or soup for now and a bottle of wine or bag of chips for later. It'd be hopping after work, too, as folks on their way home would have a convenient stop-off.

Why Trader Joe's? Cheap, good wine. Three-layer hummus worth the bad breath it causes. Pita chips. Spicy soy and flaxseed chips. Sourdough bread with millet and flaxseed. Roasted red pepper and tomato soup. Smooth and Mellow coffee. Mango sauce. Karat cake. Organic peanut butter granola bars. Fresh salsa. Frozen meals that heat in seven minutes on the stove. Red curry sauce. Double Rainbow coffee ice cream. If you have one nearby and haven't ventured in, know that I go far out of my way to make a stop every week or two. But--a note to the Trader Joe's exec who finds this post someday--I'd visit more, and buy more, if you were down the street!

Looking Ahead

Slate: Death of 'The Sopranos' - washingtonpost.com

While the link above is a discussion of The Sopranos, I've really posted it to ask an unrelated question inspired by it. Timothy Noah, whose writing I often enjoy, says something here that rings false for me, and I want to know if others feel the same. In trying to blow off a question asking him to predict the fate of certain characters, he writes:

I've tried to avoid predictions, and focus instead on responding to the series as it unfolds. When you're reading a novel you don't pause to predict out loud what you think is going to happen. You press on with fascination to see how the author is going to end it, and to assess how well he or she pulls it off.

I don't know about you--that's why I'm asking--but I do pause and "predict out loud" what I think will happen. "Oh no, she's going to die," or, "I bet the baby is his," or, "those two will end up together."

And why not? In fact, I would argue that it's a disservice to the author NOT to look ahead and try to guess what will happen. If you have no expectations, how can the author shock and surprise you by subverting them? How can a writer lead you down a path that fulfills your desires for the characters if you don't stop to think about what could, and should, happen to them? I know I'm reading a really good book when I can't help but react verbally to it, laughing out loud, predicting out loud, gasping when things go awry. I did it today while reading over lunch (with my office door shut, mind you) and knew I was engaged in my current reading material.

What do you think? Is Noah right, or is it natural--and desirable--to think ahead and predict how events in the book you're reading will unfold?

Oprah's On

Last night I did something I haven't done since college. I watched Oprah.

I had recorded the show to see Cormac McCarthy talk about The Road, but as luck would have it Michael Moore was also on the show, and I got to see several clips of Sicko. I'm paid not to like insurance companies very much, but Moore's argument that there is no place for a profit motive in health care should prove compelling to a lot of people.

Oprah's interview with McCarthy, however, wasn't very compelling. In fact, I was surprised to discover that for all her cultural primacy, Oprah isn't especially good at what she does. Her speech included several bizarre accents, as if she were reading from a teleprompter and didn't know the words she was reading. And the interview itself was quite odd. When McCarthy told Oprah that he hadn't minded being dirt poor for part of his life, and that he didn't care much how well his books sold, the billionaire striver in her seemed not to know what to do.

She also didn't really get into the book at all. I understand that she can't assume everyone watching has read it, but other than getting McCarthy to recollect a moment years ago that provided the impetus for his writing, Oprah pretty much left the book itself alone. She touched on a few themes, sure, but I would have liked to see McCarthy talk more about the levels on which it can be read. He also might have pushed her off the ledge of specificity; my reading of the book was that much of what went before and all of what comes after it are meant to be somewhat opaque. I am sure, though, that the movie version, already in the works, will insert all manner of detail and thus get the mood of the thing completely wrong.

In any case, despite her flaws as an interviewer I have to give Oprah credit. She may not be the best at discussing books, but she often makes bang-up choices. Her next pick, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, is one of my top ten books of the new millennium (along with The Corrections, another Oprah pick). If you haven't read it, now's the time!

Off the Hook

Some of you who have been reading the blog for a while may have deduced by now that going to Chicago Symphony Orchestra concerts is one of the few pre-planned events in the life of this happy gay couple. Mostly we operate out of habit or on the spur of the moment, which is sometimes frustrating for a planner like me but also leads to unexpected bliss from time to time.

Now I understand how my other half feels about being pestered to make plans, though. For two months or more, the CSO has been calling me, trying to get me to commit to a subscription package for 2007-2008. While there is a series we both think looks reasonably good (Saturday C, for those of you who are interested), we're not ready to pull the trigger--and may never be.

But telling the CSO rep that is nigh-on impossible. Believe me--I tried. She'd ask if she should call back in a week. "No, I don't think we'll have time to make a decision by then," I'd say. "Two weeks?" she'd brightly respond, but that question mark at the end was strictly for grammar--she'd be calling whether I wanted her to or not.

Through it all, what has annoyed me the most is that she persistently refers to my other half as "your wife." From the first time I said "We need time to discuss it," that's been her line: "Have you and your wife had a chance to decide which concerts you'd like to attend?" Tonight, finally, enough was too much. When she asked that question to open our call, I said, "First, my 'wife' is a man. Second, we still haven't had a chance to decide what to do; he works long hours." She was clearly a bit flummoxed, but give the gal credit; within two seconds she was asking--without any pause to apologize for her ongoing mis-assumption, mind you--"Should I call you back in a week?"

I said no, by the way. We can order our tickets online. On our timetable.

Christopher Hitchens, God Is Not Great

In this exquisitely written and often hilarious book, Hitchens provides comfort to those of us who have parted ways with the comforting lie of religion. To lose one's faith is a difficult thing, as Hitchens, who recalls in the book his former faith in an ideology he no longer espouses and the occasional pangs he feels having left it, knows. But it is, on balance, far better to face the truth.

In this case, that truth is that the religions of the West are based on rantings of desert dwellers thousands of years ago, in what Hitchens convincingly labels and explains as the childhood of our species. The major religions have twisted and turned to fit new discoveries into their antiquated prisms for viewing the world, but over the course of 280 pages Hitchens argues that we know enough today to know that we can view the world without such prisms. We can see it for what it is. Indeed, our survival may depend on being willing and able to apply reason, rather than faith, to our interactions with one another and with our planet.

Hitchens has shown himself to be capable of churning out a book a year and to write on almost any topic with wit and precision. But I, for one, hope that he takes up the topic of this book as his cause from now on. The U.S., especially, needs to have a debate about the role of religion in our political system. Hitchens provides those of us who would speak against mingling church and state with a stockpile of weapons to use in making our argument. But so much the better if he carries on making it himself!

In sum: An excellent, entertaining read. It may not convert the faithful, but those on the fence will find much to think about and those already with Hitchens will enjoy the way he makes his case.

This review also appears on Amazon.com.

Idol Predictions, Round of Two

It's all over but the crying. Oh, wait--Jordin has not only already won the crown, she's also already cried at the end of the Idol song! Does this mean we can skip her coronation tonight and pretend this whole season never happened?

Sunday Weekend Wind Down

Seinfeld Lists - The Puerto Rican Day

Amid a very pleasant weekend, I had a revelation unrelated to the trip I took to Augustana, the book I'm reading (God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything), or the shows I watched last night: There are a great many ways to classify people, but Sunday evening says a lot about a person.

In the Seinfeld episode linked above, Elaine flips out at the prospect of missing her Sunday wind-down period because she's trapped at the Puerto Rican Day parade. Though the episode was dropped from the syndication schedule (due to a line from Kramer about Puerto Rico being a land of constant mayhem), Elaine's plight always stuck with me.

I feel the same way as Elaine about my Sunday evening, but I don't think people who don't share this need to be home on Sunday after about 6 or 7 can understand it. The notion of driving home at 10 or 11 on Sunday night and having to go to work in the morning strikes me as more distasteful than almost anything I can imagine. I can stomach the occasional weekday late evening outing, and while I am a homebody by nature I don't really bat an eye at a late night on Saturday. But Sunday, sacred to others in the morning, becomes inviolate to me around the time the sun sets, maybe sooner.

My apologies to those who this confuses or irritates. Other people have religious dictates to follow; I don't gamble or go out on Sunday nights. Does anyone else share the latter penchant for end-of-weekend rest?

Suit Up!

CBS ANNOUNCES 2007-2008 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE

After weeks of wondering, this morning an answer arrives: CBS has renewed How I Met Your Mother for a third season. The press release announcing the eye's fall schedule refers to the show's "young and loyal audience," an indication that despite middling ratings, the network is glad to have a chance to pitch the rest of its lineup to folks who might otherwise steer clear of the senior circuit. Whatever works for you, CBS! As long as it means another year of Ted and Robin, Marshall and Lily, and the endlessly hilarious Barney, you can give any reason you want. This news makes my day!

Idol Predictions, Round of Three

Tonight I have to tip my hand. I expect one finale next week and desire another. I think Randy will probably be proven right, and next week we'll see Melinda and Jordin face off. But that will be a boring show! Blake, who I'm predicting will go home tomorrow night, would be much more fun to watch next week--and if he reprised his Bon Jovi week performance of "You Give Love a Bad Name" he might even win the whole thing. That would be an injustice--Melinda earned the crown weeks ago--but at least he'd have done something Melinda couldn't do to steal her prize. A Melinda-Jordin battle is a competition of similar styles and strengths, and Melinda simply owns Jordin. Sadly, that's the finale I think America will choose.

Look Ma — No Hands!

Trying to Keep the Viewers When the Ads Come On - New York Times

Oh no! The ad-supported world of TV is crashing down around itself! DVRs are to blame!

You all know about this by now. Armed with an HD DVR, you are the master of your own cinema. It's a beautiful thing. But not for the networks, who depend on you watching the very commercials that the DVR makes it so easy to skip. The only way to defeat this is to make the ads part of the program, a strategy American Idol has mastered and other programs are beginning to use.

As interesting as this problem is, though, how can malarkey like this make the Times? "...more viewers are watching shows delayed rather than live, using TiVo and other DVRs," the article linked above says. "Research indicates those viewers are more likely to fast-forward through spots than those who watch live TV."

Really? And here I thought people who were watching live TV couldn't fast-forward through commercials at all. What's that? They can't? Then how on earth could anything but what the NYT wrote be true? Tautologies are hardly news. "Viewers who can fast-forward through commercials are more likely to do so than viewers who can't." That's what the article basically says. People who have hands are more likely to give handjobs than people who don't, too, you know. I look forward to reading about that illuminating fact in the Times tomorrow...

Burn Off

NBC :: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Well, that didn't take long! After mere months of waiting, NBC has announced that the next episode of Studio 60 will air on Thursday, May 24 at 10/9c. Can you guess what May 24 is?

OK, time's up. It's the first day after sweeps month ends! NBC, which considers 7 million viewers a victory at this point, is burning off a show it spent megabucks on a night when most folks will be in recovery from a season finale binge. (May 23, for instance, is the two-hour American Idol finale--also known as the TV event that will put Fox over the top for the month.)

Maybe NBC has come up with a brilliant strategy, though: With nothing else on, maybe people will give the show a look. Or maybe they'll start their Memorial Day weekend festivities early and completely ignore it again. If this episode is anything like the ones that preceded this long gap, they won't be missing much.

[UPDATE, 5/14: Studio 60 has been canceled. Apparently six more episodes remain and will be aired. Farewell, Harriet Hayes!]

Last Lileks

Daily Quirk: See you in the funny papers ...

Even if you've never lived in Minnesota, as I did for two years earlier this decade, it seems like a lot of people have heard of or read James Lileks. I've been reading his column pretty faithfully for more than six years now, since before I decided to move to the Twin Cities, and I can remember quite distinctly the feeling of skipping to the Star-Tribune's metro section to see if it was one of his days. I also loved to read Kim Ode and Al Sicherman while eating my breakfast. And now all three of them are gone, one voluntarily moving to new things, another retiring from the game altogether, and the third, Lileks, unceremoniously bounced from column duty to straight news in what Dave Barry called the equivalent of the Miami Heat pulling Dwyane off the basketball court so he can keep stats on the sideline.

Those in the know may realize the irony in me being sad for Lileks, whose happy-talk column in the Strib was the friendly face of a man whose online work and Newhouse columns often stood for things to which I am opposed. And I suppose if this demotion of his makes the happy warrior's outlook a bit bleaker, and thus he becomes less funny, and thus his message is less appealing, well, that's one for "our side." But I'm sorry to see him go out like this.

Idol Predictions, Round of Four

Tonight's show simply confirmed the order anyone who has watched the show for the last few months has, by now, probably accepted. Melinda is on top and on track to win the whole thing; any other result would be an upset. Jordin isn't pitch-perfect, but she's on a collision course with the chance to prove that she's more Clay Aiken than Justin Guarini. Blake mixes it up, but for every time he succeeds he has a weak moment. And LaKisha is the least adventurous of the remaining four, doesn't take good advice from experts, and misses notes.

And at this point, how it is and how the votes come out will probably be the same. Blake will smell danger--but LaKisha will taste it. Good luck, Miss Jones.

Here They Come

May 22 sounds like the day for cicadas :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Metro & Tri-State

I live less than a mile from two very large forest preserves. The trees in both of them, one would assume, are precisely the sort of old-growth woods that harbor cicadas. And so, I am not exactly relishing this "exciting" rare event, which one researcher claims to have timed down to the day.

In an odd coincidence, the city will be repaving our street sometime this month. This will mean that we can't park on our street or access our driveway for some unknown, but allegedly short, period of time. How much do you want to bet that they get the blacktop up, have the street all ready to pave--and then the cicadas swarm and they're forced to either delay or pave a road filled with beady red eyes?

This is an exciting month for a lot of reasons: school's out tomorrow, we have concert tickets next weekend, and we're taking a weekend trip a few weeks from now. But I have a sinking suspicion the month will end with my car a few blocks from my house, my street torn up, and cicadas swarming everywhere. This thought does not make me happy!

Quite an Honor

White House may veto hate crimes law - Politics - MSNBC.com

Just this week George Bush got around to vetoing only the second bill of his entire presidency. The tally so far: Refused to allow funding for stem-cell research and wouldn't accept a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq. I disagree with both of these stances, but at least they are based on something resembling a principle. (I know, the principle behind opposition to stem-cell research is a lie and the one behind Iraq is a dream, but let's be charitable.)

Now he's threatening his third veto. What's so important as to warrant this reaction? A bill that would add gender and sexual orientation to the hate crimes law already on the books in this country. Now, I get that Bush doesn't believe there should be a hate crimes law at all--in fact, strictly as a matter of law, it's hard to argue with him--but we have one. Why should it apply to hate crimes against some groups in the line of fire but not others?

Let me put it this way. If you're straight, you may not want to vacation in Alabama--but you could if you wanted to. But for a gay couple, the wide world of domestic travel is actually quite narrow. We're confined to all the blue islands amid the sea of red that is the United States. Sadly, much of the beauty of this country is hidden in the middle of all that red. And even if we get past the hotel clerk who's suspicious of two men checking in together, even if we get a room with two beds, and even if we remain as non-demonstrative as possible in public, the entire time we're in red America we have to be on guard. What kind of vacation is that? I can bite my tongue for a week, yes--but you never know when a word will pop out that you don't intend. When we moved in together, for example, the sliding rear door of the moving truck caught his finger and he shouted in pain. Having been in the same state for all of 24 hours, I already couldn't stop myself from exclaiming, "Honey, are you OK?"

"Honey." That one word could have gotten us killed if spoken at the wrong moment--even in the suburbs, but especially in the Deep South. And it popped out of my mouth one day into living together. What do you think would happen today?

Bush could sign this legislation and send a message to his own band of supporters, as they are exactly the people who need it: Even if you don't like the idea of homosexuality, violence against gays and lesbians simply for being who they are is absolutely unacceptable.

This legislation is symbolic, and not signing it is a symbol, too. A fist in the face of gays and lesbians, to be exact. You may not recognize it on your hands--Iraq may already have dyed them red, and the folks who will die because their conditions were not cured because you would not allow the research that could have saved them may have deepened the rouge--but the blood of the gays and lesbians who will suffer because of this veto is on your hands, too, Mr. President.

WTF?

Arctic ice may melt 30 years sooner - World - theage.com.au

The link above, as you can read, is from an Australian Web site. In fairness to America, it isn't a main story there, either; the site's front page is riddled with the same kind of crap you find on every American "news" portal. Yet what the article tells us--that scientists now believe that by 2020 there will be NO ice in the Arctic Ocean during the summer--is on a par with the recent bad news about vanishing bees in terms of portending the end of the world. MSNBC.com, meanwhile, leads with a story about Britney Spears returning to the stage. Which, come to think of it, may also be a sign of the apocalypse.

Look, I know this seems hypocritical appearing just above a prediction about who will go home on American Idol. But shouldn't this kind of NEWS--and that's what it is--make big headlines? Bigger than Britney? Scientists are suggesting that the problem of global warming, which we already knew was bad, may in fact be so bad that the earth will unrecognizable within our lifetime. Haven't a lot of Americans seen An Inconvenient Truth by now? Don't we understand what this kind of news means?

Last week, or maybe the week before, one of MSNBC's top headlines was that the Medicare and Social Security funds were scheduled to last one year longer than previously predicted (2019 and 2041, respectively). That is important, obviously, to the health of our country. But this news could make all of that moot, could mean that when those of you planning to have kids are bouncing grandkids on your knees, you'll be doing so in a world where Bangladesh and the Netherlands and Florida and half of New York City are underwater. And you can hardly find it anywhere!

We're doomed, folks. I know that doesn't sell ads, but you'd think ONE journalistic enterprise in the entire United States would have had the gumption to lead with this on an otherwise slow day.

Idol Predictions, Round of Six Again

Jordin Sparks should be thanking her lucky stars right now. Last week she was good--though not as good as the judges claimed--but this week she delivered an almost Sanjaya-bad performance of "Livin' on a Prayer." Were this week's votes the only determining factor, she'd be in serious danger.

But that's not the way it works. As it stands, I expect she'll be safe. Melinda's two weeks of solid performances should protect her as well. And if Blake's insanely creative rendition of "You Give Love a Bad Name" isn't enough to land him a spot in the final four, this competition has gone completely off the rails.

That leaves LaKisha, Phil, and Chris. After this week's powerhouse, I think LaKisha may have done enough to stave off elimination for one more week. That leaves Chris and Phil heading home. Seems about right, doesn't it?

Out of the Park

Bonds to A-Rod: 'Do your damn thing' - Barry Bonds - MSNBC.com

I'm glad Barry Bonds has taken this approach. Not that it will humanize him in the public mind, but it's nice to see him rooting for a fellow superstar to do something that would be good for the game, even if it would remove his name from one page of the record book. (In fairness to Bonds, his name is currently at or near the top of quite a few pages of the record book--career total bases, career home runs, career walks, season OBP, season walks, season home runs, etc.--so perhaps losing this one doesn't loom as large for him.)

As for Alex Rodriguez, much as I dislike the Yankees it's hard not to be happy for him. He's on a tear, and because his team is doing poorly he's got the potential to be the big story out of New York all on his own this summer. I'm sure he'd rather be in first place, but if Yankee pitching won't support that goal, breaking the home-run record and cementing his status as the best in the game right now would probably be fun for A-Rod after a few years of being not-quite-loved in the Big Apple.

And besides, wouldn't another home-run record chase be fun?

Summer Sooner

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX on Yahoo! Movies

The link above leads to a page that will allow you to watch the two-minute trailer for the next Harry Potter movie, which opens July 13. After watching it three times (once alone, twice to share with others) I have been successfully whipped into a frenzy and am ready to buy my ticket. Those who know me well know how infrequently I see a movie in the theater these days--the last one was Little Miss Sunshine, and that was only because I was on vacation--so this is a big deal.

But if you've got a theater craving, this seems like a good summer. I know the sequel trend is ruining Hollywood and all that, but honestly, what movies beyond Shrek the Third and Spider-Man 3 and Order of the Phoenix and The Bourne Ultimatum seem worth the trouble of paying all that money and spending all that time packed in with the great unwashed masses just to see them on a bigger screen? Summer blockbusters like this are the only remaining reason, at least for us, that movie theaters exist.

Did I mention the new Transformers movie? If Hollywood has ever had a chance of restoring my former moviegoing ways, this is it. Are you excited about the coming summer blockbusters?

Idol Predictions, Round of Six

A surprisingly good week, wasn't it? But there were definitely different levels of good--and at least one pretty bad performance from a fellow who may finally take his whine home.

This week I predict a bottom three of LaKisha, whose "I Believe" was passable but didn't touch the original; Blake, whose "Imagine," for all of Simon's protests of sincerity, didn't seem believable, and
your loser, Chris, whose vocals will not change the world today, tomorrow, or anytime soon.

What did you think?

Bush is a Boob

White House renews Gonzales backing - Yahoo! News

Forgive the headline, but what other conclusion can be drawn? Yesterday's testimony was, like much of the Gonzales tenure in public office, a disgrace. It, and Bush's response--full steam ahead!--reinforce every bad narrative about this White House that he desperately needs to refute if he's going to accomplish anything in his last 21 months in office. (But who's counting?)

Stubborn and intractable in the face of evidence? Check. Incompetent but loyal to a fault? Check. Eager to speak pretty words that bear no relationship to the truth and not only expect others to swallow them, but appear to believe them yourself? Check!

There is only one politically savvy explanation for all of this, and it would be a doozy--but it might appeal to Bush's Jesus complex. Could he be sacrificing himself to save his party?

Allow me to explain. Yesterday Tom Coburn, the senator from Oklahoma who thinks most of the girls in the state are lesbians, sounded sane for the first time when he suggested that Gonzales step down. Other Republicans have earned similar common-sense cred for making the same suggestion and for speaking out against other Bush bullshit. With most of the public against him, how better for Bush to serve his party than by looking completely batshit crazy and letting members of his own party fire away at him? By isolating the White House from Congress, Bush may not be able to save the GOP presidential candidate who will be stuck trying to explain a way out of his foolish war, but he can at least help Republicans staunch the bleeding in the House and prevent a filibuster-proof Democratic majority in the Senate. By this logic, every day Gonzales stays is another good day for House and Senate Republicans who can point out vociferously how very much they disagree with the deeply unpopular president they once treated like the king of America.

Of course, all of this presumes a level of humility and smarts that many consider unlikely coming from Bush. More than likely this is simply another case of his stubbornness and loyalty and the White House echo chamber combining to prevent Bush from seeing reality. Stupid like a fox? It's possible, but my money's on just plain stupid.

Survivor

Gonzales plays down role in firings - Politics - MSNBC.com

Well, Sanjaya has let me down--or, more accurately, Alberto Gonzales has proven more resilient than a cockroach after a nuclear winter. I predicted more than a month ago that Sanjaya would last longer on Idol than Alberto would at the DOJ, but he's lying to Congress this morning while Sanjaya makes the morning TV rounds after his ouster.

The Gonzales hearing probably won't yield much truth, but it has served one purpose: MSNBC.com has finally stopped running a full-width banner of Cho Seung-Hui pointing a gun at me across its main page. Don't get me wrong: I'm not diminishing the importance of this story. But just because NBC "got lucky" and received a package of audiovisual material from a killer doesn't mean the network has an ethical imperative to plaster footage and pictures everywhere they can.

And where are all the folks who scream about copycat crimes based on violent movies? Here's a deranged guy who shot up his campus and guess what? His message of anger and rage is finally being heard by someone other than his video camera. His picture is everywhere; pull up any major news site this morning and there was Cho, glock in hand, looking for all the world like an action hero about to seek justice at gunpoint. Comparing himself to Jesus Christ, railing against America's consumer culture, blaming the victims of his crime--all of this Cho has been able to do posthumously because no one in NBC's news room had the sense to say, "Stop. Wait. This may be interesting, but should we really reward the brutal murder of 32 people by publishing the last manifesto of their killer?"

Copy a violent movie? Why bother? Now misanthropes the world over have a good example of how to go out in a blaze of glory. I bet every person who reads this can think of someone they knew in college who had the potential for an act like this, even if he or she wasn't as disturbed as Cho clearly was. The knowledge that all their demented notions could be put out into the world for public consumption is the kind of thing that might put people like this over the edge.

So again, thank you, Alberto, for finally forcing MSNBC to acknowledge that there are more interesting things in the world than the ramblings of a killer. Like the ramblings of a torture-abetting, law-breaking, rule-bending, unqualified nightmare of a "public servant" desperate to cling to his job.

Idol Predictions, Round of Seven

Boy, Ryan Adams must be pissed this morning. A popular contestant on America's most popular television show performs one of his best songs, and the show calls it a Tim McGraw song!? Oh well; Adams probably collected the money the show pays to clear a song. Unless even the producers didn't know it was his!

Anyhow, I'm thinking Blake will be safe, along with Melinda, who was really the only contestant to take the country theme and nail it. Shocking, I know. Maybe she'll be the one who gets to pick which group of three is the top and which is the bottom, Idol's favorite week-of-seven trick.

Despite DialIdol putting him first, I have to put Phil in my predicted bottom three this week--force of habit. I see the nasally Chris ending up in the middle as well, and boy, wouldn't it be nice if this was his week? But I fear that this may be the week when America finally stops dialing for LaKisha, who hasn't put it all together into a showstopper in many, many weeks. Seeing a talented black female singer go in this round would be far from unprecedented; the round of seven was the end of the road for Jennifer Hudson, too.

And yes, DialIdol also has Sanjaya in last place, but I won't believe it until he's actually on the plane back to Seattle!

If I'm right, that would give us a top six with four boys and two girls. Who'd have thought?

So It Goes

Kurt Vonnegut, Writer of Classics of the American Counterculture, Dies at 84 - New York Times

This news, while hardly unexpected, breaks a little piece of my heart. Starting in the spring of my freshman year of college, I read every book Kurt Vonnegut had written up to that time in about a year, and I've since read the subsequent books as well. They meant a lot to me at a time when nothing was quite making sense, and as I shed organized religion, it was Vonnegut who gave me the first tenet of my moral philosophy, direct from God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater: "God damn it, you've got to be kind."

If you've never read Vonnegut, this sad event would be a good reason to do it.

Please Please Me

Cato Unbound: Why Societies Should Pursue Happiness

Those who have been reading for a while may remember my fondness for Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less and The Costs of Living. So you can imagine my delight when I discovered, after reading--and disagreeing with much of--Darrin McMahon's essay, "The Pursuit of Happiness in Perspective," that Schwartz had written a response (linked above). McMahon argues that our relentless pursuit of happiness is actually making well-off Westerners less happy, and he has a point; on The Sopranos, Melfi discusses this very topic with Tony and explains that he is part of the first group of people with the means to worry about what makes them happy rather than how to ensure that they have food and shelter.

Schwartz sees the flaw in McMahon's argument, though. McMahon, he says, conflates the pursuit of happiness with the pursuit of pleasure. He isn't alone, of course, and Schwartz considers this at length:

Why is it true that most people equate happiness with pleasure? Here’s my hypothesis: What we have nowadays in the developed western world is unbridled individualism coupled with extraordinary materialism. Life is about what you have, not what you do, and it’s about what you have, not what we have. What else can the pursuit of happiness mean to citizens like this except the pursuit of pleasure?

Then the question becomes: Why are we a collection of individualistic materialists? My answer is that it’s a by-product of the success of free-market capitalism. It is the pursuit of wealth, individually and collectively, that has induced us to equate happiness with pleasure. Benjamin Barber makes this point with great force in his new book, Consumed. The problem for modern capitalism, Barber notes, is that these days, “the needy are without income, and the well-heeled are without needs.” The task of modern economic players is to create needs in people who can afford to satisfy them, and doing that turns us into infantilized pleasure-seekers. No one is going to get rich in a society full of seekers of human excellence.

He's right, isn't he? What the leading Democrats--Clinton, Obama, and Edwards--need to figure out is how to offer this critique of the current state of American capitalism without making voters feel insulted. The excesses of capitalism are the reason why American health care is a mess, for instance; the idea that everyone is meant to fend for him or herself entirely, that the Bible and not Ben Franklin said that God would help those that help themselves, is the reason we accept such travesties as a person who works full-time but can't afford to see a doctor or raise a family in the richest nation in the history of the world. It's high time candidates for president said so.

Idol Predictions, Round of Eight

Well that was ghastly, wasn't it? Latin night went over as well on American Idol as it would on Lou Dobbs Tonight. Few of the singers seemed to get into their songs, and the judges mostly seemed to notice.

Anyhow, I'm going to stick to my guns and predict that Haley's stick-to-her-gams strategy will finally fail. She should be glad, too: she's pretty much out of leg to show. She'll be joined in the bottom three by Phil, whose personality continues to induce yawns even as his singing wobbles between OK and last night's not-so-good. The third member of the unholy trinity is harder to predict, but while I have "Conga" in my head this morning, LaKisha's rendition last night wasn't particularly special and she went early. But it shouldn't matter. Haley has to go home sometime, right?

Oh, one more thing: This is the first time Sanjaya will avoid the bottom three and almost have earned it.

Sowing the Seeds of Traffic

Worshipping from upper deck
Thousands pack Sears Centre for Easter service in Hoffman Estates

For three Easters, we've struggled mightily to make it to my parents' house on time, only to be foiled by the traffic jam created by Willow Creek's 35,000 Easter Sunday churchgoers. Yesterday, though, a new approach dawned on us--avoid Willow Creek completely by jetting out to Route 59 instead of taking Barrington Road.

Our nifty plan pretty much worked, too; 59 moves pretty quick on a normal day and with none of the new shopping centers that have popped up in Streamwood and Bartlett open for business, the lights were almost all green. Except for one...

As we approached I-90, the light just before the highway caught us. Thirty seconds passed, and we expected to be on our way. Then another thirty. Then several more. Yet cars continued to stream out of the side road, which I eventually realized was the exit from the new Sears Centre.

Turns out that there was no escape. We got away from Willow Creek, but Harvest Bible Chapel, which rented out the Sears Centre for a service attended by nearly 11,000, snared us in its traffic instead. At least we were near the front of the pack that got caught in the post-service jam. I can only imagine that the words of the folks trapped in cars caught more than a mile back on the one-lane, no-way-out-but-through portion of Route 59 were something other than prayerful.

Fair Question

Dodd asks: What if your child were gay? - Yahoo! News

Senator Dodd's run for the presidency is a quixotic quest, but today he's injected a much-needed voice into the debate over equal rights for gays and lesbians:

"We ought to be able to have these loving relationships," the Connecticut senator said.

Dodd, the father of 2-year-old and 5-year-old girls, said his daughters could grow up to be lesbians and that he hopes they would have the opportunity to enjoy marriage-like rights.

"They may grow up as a different sexual orientation than their parents," he said. "How would I want my child to be treated if they were of a different sexual orientation?"

These statements were made on the same day that the New Hampshire House passed a bill that would create "spousal unions" in the state, a new term for the civil unions/domestic partnerships that have been popping up in other states.

I hope the media ask the other candidates about Dodd's statement today, and about New Hampshire's possibly becoming the eighth state to offer some sort of formal recognition to gay couples (following Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, California, New Jersey, and Hawaii). At the least, we should be able to get Democrats on the record saying that where applicable--in matters like income tax, Social Security, etc.--they would support legislation to recognize, at the federal level, whatever form of legal arrangement states come up with for gay couples.

Idol Predictions, Round of Nine

After last week, when I confidently stepped up to the plate and hit a triple only to be called out stealing home (translation: I picked the bottom three right but sent the wrong one home), I feel less certain about what tonight will bring. The bottom three should be Sanjaya, Haley, and Phil, but I'm predicting only Haley will actually get there. Phil's comments about his wife, I'm guessing, provoked a lot of women to dial his number while wishing their own husbands were half so romantic. And Sanjaya is on track to be a bigger star than any of the others, despite his utter lack of talent. Instead, I see Gina being punished for a weak song; she should have found a way to throw a bit of her style into it to keep her fans voting. And Blake's performance, which seemed great when it opened the show, didn't stand out by the end; I see the curse of first continuing and him making a surprise stop at the center of the stage. It will be short-lived, though, and Haley will finally--finally!--go home. I hope.

Up and Moving

Keeping Up With Tiger Woods by Swinging a Remote - New York Times

Our couch is starting to get jealous. So are Link, John Madden and Al Michaels, and even our Miis.

The reason? After a rough start--literally--Tiger Woods 07 has won most-favored Wii game status, supplanting Wii Bowling and Tennis and making a return to the nine holes of Wii Golf almost unthinkable.

At first, TW07 seemed like a failure. The controls seemed balky, and the resulting ballooning scores were as discouraging as they are in real life, only without the benefit of a day spent outdoors.

But this is a game that rewards the time you invest in it. Over time we've both gained better command of our swings, and the game's system for improving the inherent abilities of your on-screen doppelganger has allowed us to hit the ball farther and more accurately as time has passed. Three weeks into owning the game, and numerous hours of playing time later, I felt immense satisfaction in a final round push Saturday afternoon to qualify for what the game, for licensing reasons, refers to as the "U.S. Major Championship." And when, yesterday, I came back from a six shot deficit after two rounds to cruise to my first major victory on a course, Pebble Beach, that had previously owned me, I think my jubilant victory shout was probably audible to the neighbors.

A few gripes, though. There are still occasional times when I'll be in mid-backswing and the game will pretend I've finished my shot, resulting in a weak dribble rather than the towering approach I had planned. So far this hasn't been my downfall in any tournament, but I fear it will happen in the final round one day and I'll be cursing.

More important to me right now is the game's odd method, at least in my mind, of calculating PGA Tour ranking. After a run of tournaments in my first season in which I've won three regular tournaments and a major and placed second in another tournament--while, admittedly, missing the cut twice and finishing around 20th and 40th in two more events--I've clawed my way to the top of the money list, and I'm far and away the leader in the FedEx Cup standings. I know I've only been at it for a few months of game time, but shouldn't these results translate into a pretty strong PGA Tour rank? Apparently not--I'm 37th, and in significant danger of missing the "U.K. Major Championship," which seems like something that would never happen in real life. If you win a major, you're invited to the rest, right?

Still, this is a great game that's proving quite durable over time. And I have aches from playing it, just like real golf. Hard to beat that!

Beaned

Check Out Karl Rove's List Of Targeted 2008 House Races | TPMCafe

What a difference four years can make. In 2004, my district bucked the political tide, turning out a decades-long incumbent Republican in favor of Melissa Bean, a "centrist" Democrat. She held onto her seat in 2006, fending off a loony, somewhat self-financed right-winger in a race that started out as "one to watch" and ended up, if not a blowout, at least not a race anyone was tracking on election night.

Today we find Karl Rove's list of seats to defend and seats to try to win in 2008, and guess what? Four years after losing what was considered a solidly Republican seat, the GOP seems to be abandoning it in favor of trying to protect Peter Roskam's new throne in the 6th, where he had quite a battle before beating Tammy Duckworth.

This sure says something about the state of the Republican Party!

Idol Predictions, Round of Ten

An entertaining night, wasn't it? But not the best, vocally, which makes this tough. Despite her unexpected tenacity, I see Haley finally going home this week (but then, I said that last week, too). If not Haley, then who? Chris Richardson would be a good choice after being in the bottom two last week, but going last will save him from his own miserable vocals. Instead, the other Chris and Phil will join Haley in this week's bottom three. Or so I'm guessing. Sanjaya, you ask? After that hairdo, we may be seeing him in May!

Heartbreak

Elizabeth Edwards' cancer. - By Sydney Spiesel - Slate Magazine

After reading the article above, I don't know how John and Elizabeth were able to remain so chipper yesterday. I know they have the resources to get the best possible care, but they have a tough road ahead. I wish them well. Anyone who doubted their resolve can have no doubt now. Win or lose--and I still don't see how they win--I think they have brought something special to the race, and I hope this setback only pushes them to make their case about the need for fundamental changes as compellingly as they can.

Bad Call

"Idol" Results Show: Time Flies When You're Being Had
ANATOMY OF AN "AMERICAN IDOL" RESULTS SHOW

Well, it looks like those fifteen calls I made for Melinda should have been directed to Stephanie instead. I know she wasn't going to win, but she sure deserved better than 11th place. Further proof that where you finish within the top 12 has only the slightest correlation to your relative level of talent!

The link above provides a minute-by-minute rundown of the results show last night, commercials and all. As it makes clear, the show is pretty much one big ad with almost no content. Perhaps that's why we're able to watch it in just 15 minutes on the DVR--and spend part of that time ignoring it.

Idol Predictions, Round of 11

Here we go again. While the pundit at MSNBC would have you believe that the departure of another boy tonight is inevitable, DialIdol--which showed a chink in its armor last week when Sanjaya was predicted to finish second and ended up in the bottom two--has a lot more girls than boys on its endangered list.

While I missed both bottom three members who got to stick around last week, I am standing pat and predicting, again, that Haley Scarnato and Gina Glocksen will be in the bottom three. They will be joined, sadly, by Stephanie Edwards, who chose a slow Dusty Springfield song ("You Don't Have to Say You Love Me") when a fast one ("Son of a Preacher Man") would have been perfect for her.

Common sense and the curse of going first will prevail, however, and Haley will finally go home.

Ending Early

the futon critic - the web's best primetime television resource

In the grand tradition of the British version of The Office comes this announcement:

EXTRAS (HBO) - Co-creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have confirmed the series will not return for its third season. The series nevertheless will be sent off with a special (a la "The Office") sometime in the future. No other specifics however were given.

This makes me sad, because the show really seemed to hit its stride in the second season. But if two seasons is all we can have, at least they were good ones. Here's hoping the final special sees romantic resolution for Andy and Maggie that's even more pronounced than the Tim-and-Dawn kiss that brought down the curtain on The Office.

Ten Pack

HBO: Rome: Episode Guide: Summary: Season 2: Episode 21

Last night HBO showed the penultimate episode of one of the best shows on television, Rome. Amid all the squabbling over how to feed the people of Rome while Antony and Cleopatra horde their grain in Egypt, the characters managed to bring back one of the show's signature elements from season one: gratuitous sex.

It all served to advance the plot, though. Vorenus had a dream of Niobe, only to be jolted to reality by the bald Egyptian prostitute who had actually shared his bed for the night; we got a better picture of what's going on in his head. Antony and Cleopatra's violent, passionate romps elucidated the intense, destructive nature of their relationship. Pullo and Gaia's fleshy, grasping lovemaking seemed indicative of the secondhand quality of their pairing.

But all of that paled in comparison to the scene with Octavian and Livia. Simon Woods, who took up the role of Octavian for Max Pirkis when the character aged beyond Pirkis's range of believability, clearly gave up food in favor of sit-ups in preparation for this scene, which revealed a whole new set of abdominal muscles that have been heretofore known only to sculptors. To call him chiseled is to understate the case. Ahem...after a tense meeting between Octavian and his mother and sister, we find he and his wife alone. Pounding away at Livia like a jackhammer, Octavian slows down, and she slaps him. Steely eyed, he looks down at her; she slaps him again. Unperturbed, he carries on. The scene cuts to the end of this torrid session; Livia is on top now, her hands at Octavian's throat, apparently enhancing his orgasm by cutting off his oxygen supply.

What does this tell us about Octavian? Mostly that he's an odd duck, really, who gets off on a bit of S&M. The sex scene wasn't as illuminating as the pillow talk that followed, as Livia figured out Octavian's plan to deal with Antony while Octavian caught his breath post-coitus. But I have to mention this scene, because Simon Woods is incredible. I was very sad when I heard Max Pirkis would be leaving, but after last night's feast of flesh--Max who?

The series finale is next week. Don't miss it!

Idol Predictions, Round of 12

I'm going to predict a bottom three and the person who will go home from now until the end of the contest. My predictions are based on own viewing of the show, opinions heard from others at work, DialIdol stats, and MSNBC polls about the contestants. They are NOT about who sang the best or the worst, but about who I think America will reward with the fewest votes.

Tonight, I expect to see Brandon Rogers, Gina Glocksen, and Haley Scarnato in the bottom three. Brandon will go home. Finally!

As for Sanjaya, I still predict he will last a while (in spite of bizarre hair, hoop earrings, and vocals unfit for the shower). How long? Let's go with longer than Alberto Gonzales will have a job...

Prairie Home Asshole

Fuck Garrison Keillor | Slog | The Stranger's Blog | The Stranger | Seattle's Only Newspaper

I am beyond incensed to see Garrison Keillor's column in Salon today. Titled "Stating the Obvious," it starts out a paean to the olden days, like much of Keillor's writing, but quickly turns into a screed against gay parenting and gay marriage that plays on several stereotypes while managing to be incredibly hypocritical coming from Keillor, whose romantic history is not, shall we say, one of steady monogamy. Fortunately, Dan Savage has already posted a thorough--and thoroughly furious--reaction, linked above. Read it and I'm sure you'll agree with him that "What Keillor wrote today on Salon is every bit as offensive as Ann Coulter's 'faggot' joke about John Edwards and relies on the same set of cultural prejudices."

As for me, I'm considering cooking dinner tonight over the flames produced by my copy of Lake Wobegon Days. Where all the children are no doubt straight, right?

Small Potatoes

Pace won't apologize for 'gay' remarks - Military Affairs - MSNBC.com

General Pace's comments about homosexuality are deplorable, of course, but should we really be surprised that he won't apologize? He thinks what he thinks; it's wrongheaded and cruel, but so are a great many things he and the administration he serves do. Have you heard him apologize for a senseless war that is killing and maiming young men and women who volunteered out of a sense of duty and honor and are instead being wasted in a vain effort to stabilize a region that clearly needs a chance to duke it out without our interference?

Sometimes self-determination means killing each other. We need to find a way to get off the oil that keeps pulling us back into every Middle East conflict so the Sunni and the Shia can work out a thousand years of differences on their own. If Peter Pace doesn't realize that he needs every man and woman willing to serve, whether gay or straight, in his armed forces to accomplish any of the myriad missions the American military currently has and will have in the future, that's only a minor error in judgment compared to the one he and Bush and Cheney continue to commit in Iraq.

UPDATE, 4:30 P.M.: As Andrew Sullivan points out, the times they are a-changin'. From John Warner, a Virginia Republican: "I respectfully but strongly disagree with the chairman's view that homosexuality is immoral." Reading those words, from that source, I nearly cried. The NBA dumped Tim Hardaway for his comments; Ann Coulter is being dropped from newspapers for hers. Isaiah Washington may be leaving the top scripted show on TV for his. We're still a punching bag for Republicans, as Mike points out in the comments--but maybe it isn't working anymore?

Aloha

TestPattern : 'American Idol' tough to predict (SPOILERS)

So, Sanjaya is through to the top 12 on American Idol. And Sabrina went home, while the charming but talentless Haley Scarnato is moving to the big stage. For a week or two, at least.

Sabrina's departure is sad but understandable--there were five big belters, and the other four each did more to make their personalities stand out. Gina took the rocker mantle this week, Haley played the cutesy country card, and Sabrina was left out in the cold. (Antonella was so clearly out of her league she doesn't merit another word.)

Sanjaya's inclusion over Sundance, though--that's confusing. Beyond his teenager fan base--apparently at that age your ears aren't fully formed?--I think Sanjaya may have successfully played one of the flaws in Idol's voting system. When he showed off his hula skills on Tuesday, many around the country probably grimaced and didn't hear him mention that he lived in Hawaii for four years. But I immediately shouted, "That scheming little bastard! He's trying to get Hawaiians to vote for him!"

As we learned when Jasmine Trias made the top three, it takes a long time to eliminate contestants who have Hawaii behind them, because the state gets to vote alone, dialing into enough open lines that the busy signals that plague mainland voters are an island myth. If Sanjaya can claim the Hawaiian mantle, keep bringing the teenage vote, and bring in Indian votes as well, I can imagine him sticking around for weeks and weeks. Stephanie, Jordin, at least one Chris (probably Richardson), Haley, Brandon, Phil--I have no trouble at all imagining a scenario in which all six of them have gone home and Sanjaya is sharing the stage with Melinda, LaKisha, Blake, Chris, and Gina--and looking so ridiculous in comparison that the producers finally rig the vote and boot him. In short, say aloha to Sanjaya, top 12 member. It may be a while before we get to say aloha again.

Strike!

Last night before dinner I bowled a 235 game, shot four over par for nine holes, and beat a very strong opponent in tennis thanks to a solid backhand and skill at the net. And I did it all in the living room of my house.

As you've probably guessed, I got myself a Wii for my birthday. So far, it's the best $200 I've ever spent. (I was able to save $50 using a 20% off President's Day coupon which the cashier kindly pointed out as I bought one of the last consoles he had in stock only 40 minutes after calling at 8:30 Sunday morning and being told the store had enough to last well into the afternoon. Having tried seven other stores already, I knew better than to believe it.)

For me, the Wii is quite literally a dream come true; I've been trying to find a consistent tennis partner since I started playing the game with a wooden racket sometime in the late 1980s. My racket has gotten lighter over the years, and my quest for a playmate had been getting more difficult, but now the racket weighs almost nothing and the partner is available whenever I want. I am sure a more full-featured tennis game will come out for the Wii soon, but for now the Wii Sports version, which comes with the console, is keeping me occupied.

The Wii has also restored to me a pursuit I abandoned a few years ago due to smoke, noise, grease, and germs: bowling. Without the smokers, the disgusting rented shoes, and the general hell that is other people--especially the people at a bowling alley--bowling is actually a lot of fun. And when a round of golf doesn't cost more than a steak dinner and take longer than the Super Bowl, it can be a joy as well. We're spending a lot more time standing up--and running around--in front of an old tube TV and a lot less time in front of the flat screen HDTV right now. If you can find a Wii, buy it!

Oh, and don't expect as much content here for a while. I'll be trying to beat the new Zelda game.

Baby Steps

EQUAL MARRIAGE BILL INTRODUCED IN ILLINOIS!

Introduced is a long way from passed, or voted on, or even assigned to committee for discussion. But introducing a positive gay rights bill is also a big step forward from the recently concluded, decades-long battle for such simple justice as equal housing opportunities and a ban on employment discrimination. Will Illinois be the sixth state to offer some sort of formal legal union for gays (after Vermont, Massachusetts, California, Connecticut, and New Jersey)? Probably not; New England and even Washington state and maybe Oregon will beat us there. Could change be coming sooner than anyone would have dared dream five years ago? It sure could!

Light Speed

DVR Users Skip Commercials, Right? Wrong - New York Times

I am sure there is truth to this article--for someone. But not in our house! The only time we let the commercials play during a prerecorded program is to get up and use the bathroom or clear the dishes. (Yes, we eat in front of the TV--doesn't every childless couple?) And the only time we watch something that isn't prerecorded on our DVR is...is...

OK, live sports (though sometimes we'll record it, go out to lunch or dinner or shopping, start watching an hour late, and finish on time). But otherwise, nothing. If I am aware of a commercial, it is because (a) it was on during a football game or tennis match, (b) I heard it while I was in the kitchen rinsing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher, or (c) I sat and watched it while waiting for my viewing companion to return from the bathroom. You try watching Rome, Extras, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60, House, Boston Legal, American Idol, The O.C., Real Time with Bill Maher, and Meet the Press--plus five episodes of The Young and the Restless--each week and still find time for commercials!

Streams of Hate

Independent Gay Forum - Taboo Topic?

Like Stephen Miller, the author of the post linked above, I hate to bring this up. But the man has a point when he says "Through drips and drabs of celebrity hate-speak, most recently Isaiah Washington and, now, former Miami NBA star Tim Hardaway, we are beginning to come to terms with an unspeakable topic: that open expressions of gay hatred are far more acceptable in the African-American community than among whites."

I mean, did you hear what Tim Hardaway said? I used to enjoy his screwball-style shots and cheer for his scrappy style of play, but come on:

Well, you know, I hate gay people....I let it be known I don't like gay people. I don't like to be around gay people. I'm homophobic. It shouldn't be in the world, in the United States, I don't like it....I don't condone it. If people got problems with that, I'm sorry. I'm saying I can't stand being around that person, knowing that they sleep with somebody of the same sex.

I'm glad Tim feels free enough to say these things--that's the great thing about our country. But I'm also glad that the NBA, which is anything but a free country, is pushing him away, and that ABC finally seems to have acknowledged that Washington's invective toward his coworker was unacceptable. If nothing else, remarks like these create a hostile work environment from which gay actors and athletes, like anyone else, have a right to be free.

In the long run, I hope that seeing and hearing these folks spout off and sound so stupid doing so makes others think about the words being said and the irrational hatred they represent. We can't change what Hardaway and Washington and others have said. But their words can be used as agents for the very changes their speakers would oppose.

Don't Feel Proper

Robbie Williams goes into rehab for drug addiction - washingtonpost.com

This news is no laughing matter, of course. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that Robbie is a pill-popper. His most recent album, Rudebox, features a track, "Good Doctor," which chronicles a love of all things prescribed. In just one song, Williams name-checks/requests prescriptions for Xanax, Vicodin, Oxycontin, Codeine, Morphine, Opium, Methadone, Menocrabedene, Hydroanoxycodeine, Anolodene, Buprenopheine, ButroPhenol, Adorel, and Dorel, and sings a chorus of "Gimme loads of pills, gimme loads of pills." He even sings, "I might have a problem" before scoffing at the notion of taking a single tablet with the words "I'm Keith Moon, dickhead."

Yeah, there was no way at all to see this one coming.

Big Star

King Kaufman's Sports Daily | Salon
As ex-NBA journeyman John Amaechi comes out, it's time for sports leagues to stop accepting intolerance as a given.

Every time a former professional athlete comes out, everyone starts talking about when someone who's still playing will take the chance and be the gay Jackie Robinson. More than four years ago, when former NFL lineman Esera Tuaolo came out, some columnists said it was only a matter of time, and that soon sports would have a gay male star.

Besides former US figure skating champion Rudy Galindo, though, we still have not seen a male athlete of any consequence come out. Amaechi will apparently let on during his Sunday morning interview that he knows of other, current gay NBA players, but not name names--which is, of course, the right thing to do.

Sadly, I would guess that the first person to come out while playing will not do so gladly. I am not about to devote myself to solving the puzzle, but the pieces are all right there to be assembled. Fifteen players per team, 30 teams--that's only 450 people. Eliminate the married ones and the ones with known girlfriends (not that they're all straight, but anyone going to that length is not going to be willingly outed), and you'd be left with a universe of, what, 100 guys? You can't tell me someone won't figure out, and soon, which of these remaining dribblers doesn't appear to have an eye for the ladies.

And that will be very sad. So, gay NBA players, whoever you may be, I implore you: Come out on your own. Yes, it will be difficult at first, if the player and coach reactions to Amaechi's announcement are any indication, but you will be a hero to millions, and if you have enough game, your teammates will just have to learn to accept you for who you are. And hey, you may just get a few fouls called your way out of an abundance of caution.

Fire!

Wyndham Washington, DC

Not really. But if there ever is a fire in a hotel in which I'm sleeping, I will surely die after my experience the last few days.

Friday night was my second night in DC, and I had come back to the hotel after a 13-hour working day. Around midnight, I woke to a loud squeal. At first, I thought it was my alarm clock, and that the night had gone by rather quickly, but a voice soon followed the oddly loud squeal: "A fire emergency has been reported in the building. Please exit the hotel. Do not use the elevators."

I'm staying on the 12th floor, so this was not an appealing prospect. But I dutifully put on a pair of pants, grabbed my coat, and trudged down 12 flights. When the weary band of travelers who joined me reached the bottom of the stairs, our human stream made a quick left turn--and walked right back into the hotel lobby, where many guests, including some of my coworkers, had gathered.

Clearly, the building was not on fire. No one was panicked; no staff members were directing us across the street or telling us what on earth was going on. We just milled about, wondering if we were supposed to go back up or if something was actually wrong. One man flipped out and started pounding the bell at the desk, shouting that if the hotel was not fit for guests it should not be open, and others in the lobby were puzzled. After an hour of waiting for the elevators to be turned back on, I finally took the stairs back to my room. The door to the stairwell was held by a hotel employee, who gave the first explanation I would get for the hour from hell: "We're doing construction. This happens all the time." I subsequently struggled to sleep. Have you ever tried to go to bed right after using a stairmaster?

This incident would seem funny if not for what happened last night. After watching the Bears lose, all I wanted in the world was a good night's sleep so I could go about my Monday--my eighth working day in a row--with a little bit of energy. But two hours after I went to bed--and just as I was getting to the good part of a dream--the squeal returned. I jumped up in bed, but this time I knew better than to hurry downstairs. Instead, I looked out the window, and saw the same fire trucks arrive that had responded to the non-emergency on Friday. As I watched their drivers mosey into the lobby, I knew I was safe staying in my room. This happens all the time, right? I went back to bed and tried to sleep.

Half an hour later, the alarm sounded again. An hour later, again. Then twice in half an hour. Then once each hour thereafter. All told, I think I slept three hours last night, punctuated by seven shocking squeals from the alarm.

When I returned to my room this afternoon, a note on the Wyndham letterhead awaited me. I've reproduced it verbatim below. Text in brackets is mine.

Dear Valued Guest,

We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused by our early morning fire alarm. [Note the absence of the "s" that would include the other six times the alarm went off!]

Be assured that the safety and comfort of our guests is our highest priority. As a safety, all alarms need to be investigated before they can be reversed. Although the timing was inopportune. [This sentence fragment is apparently their idea of a mea culpa.] Please know that we appreciate your business.

Sincerely
The Staff and Management
Wyndham Washington Hotel

If you have reservations for this hotel, cancel them now. One day it will become a Westin, allegedly bigger and better than it is today. But right now it is uninhabitable. I just finished reading State of Denial (and saw Bob Woodward speak about it yesterday!), and I feel confident in saying I would have slept better at a hotel in the Green Zone in Baghdad last night.

Have you ever had a hotel experience this bad? And how can this be the second hotel I've stayed in that had to be evacuated for a non-existent fire?

Go for Three

Slant Magazine - TV Review: Extras

The review above is a very convincing argument that Extras should carry on for a third season--and that you should be watching the second.

I am, and it's cracking me up. From David Bowie making up a song about main character Andy to Daniel Radcliffe--AKA Harry Potter--playing a very horny version of himself, season two is everything good about season one and much more. Andy's bout of fame and struggles to deal with it are poignant and gut-busting at the same time, a winning combination.

The first three episodes of season two--and many of season one's six episodes--are available on HBO On Demand. Check it out if you have a spare half-hour. It's dry humor, but I defy you not to belly laugh at least once.

Jackpot

Berkshire Record Outlet - Bargain Classical Music

Y'all know how much I love a bargain, right? I revel in buying $60.00 shirts for $9.50 after Christmas, stocking up on sale items at the grocery store while ignoring the full-price ones, and waiting a few months to buy major-label CDs that are likely to come to yourmusic.com for $6.99. My discovery of the site above, therefore, was a revelation.

Berkshire deals in classical and jazz closeouts and overruns. While this makes for a quixotic selection, the prices are remarkable! Last night my order arrived; 22 albums for $111 including shipping. (They cleverly charge a flat $6.00 plus 10 cents extra per disc, encouraging big orders like mine.)

For that price, I'd have been happy with eight, maybe nine albums. Instead, I was able to get:

• A complete cycle of the symphonies of Carl Nielsen
• A complete cycle of the symphonies of Bohuslav Martinu
• A complete cycle of the symphonies of Johannes Brahms
• Bartok's Miraculous Mandarin and Concerto for Orchestra
• Five discs of Haydn string quartets, including an SACD
• Three discs of Haydn symphonies, including an SACD
• A disc of Haydn piano concertos
• Two discs of Mozart piano concertos, one of which includes Bach piano sonatas
• A fabulous recording of the first two symphonies by Beethoven
• Hartmann's first and sixth symphonies
  
• A recording of Mahler 10 in one of the less-known performing versions
• Two Bruckner symphonies

Not bad, right? Some of the cases had a tiny hole drilled into a corner or a slice out of the spine to indicate that they were cutouts, but otherwise they were as good as the brand-new CDs that they are. And my home and office are filled with music! If you're in the market, check Berkshire Record Outlet out.

Quacking Duck

Others will parse the entirety of last night's State of the Union; I have but a few observations. First, for all its futility--does Bush really think he can drive the debate on any issue other than Iraq at this point?--it was not a bad speech. More humble than any he has given, it dealt rather deftly with the wide swaths of terrain on which the president and Congress cannot possibly agree while offering platitudes that forced Speaker Pelosi to lead her troops in standing to applaud. None of it means anything past today, but it made for good television.

I noticed some words the president did not say last night. Nowhere to be found were the words "sanctity" or "marriage," a welcome change after years of beating the drum for an amendment. No, now the debate that must be conducted with civility is the one about immigration. Illegal aliens, congratulations--you are the new gays! I always thought Muslims would be the ones to pick up our cross, but apparently I was wrong.

I also noticed that even as he called for bipartisan cooperation, Bush could not bring himself to call the new Democratic majority by its right name. "I congratulate the Democrat majority," he squawked, joining Fox News and other Republican language-gamers in trying to make us sound stupid. Doing so abases the language and the man speaking it, Mr. Bush--but it does not change the fact that your party is on the run.

What did you think of the speech? Did you even watch? And didn't the House chamber look stunning in high definition?

Let's Get Together

Surge or merge - By Bruce Reed - Slate Magazine

I was amused by the news the other day that Britain and France contemplated a merger in the '50s, back when such notions were all the rage? (Anyone else remember maps that had Egypt and Syria as one country, the U.A.R.?) But Bruce Reed sees the news as a jumping-off point for a modest proposal of his own. "Given his abysmal standing in the polls and in the world," Reed avers, "perhaps we should worry that President Bush will be forced on bended knee to make a similar offer. Forget the surge – what if Bush wants to merge?"

Somehow I don't think this is what Bush meant by "I'm a uniter, not a divider." But after spuriously suggesting that Bush secretly wants to join hands with France, Reed makes a more serious suggestion:

But if Bush is desperate to merge, let me suggest a different target: Canada. The benefits to us are obvious: massive natural resources, low health care costs, a safe haven from global warming. Merging with Canada would be like merging with Britain and France at the same time – and Quebec offers the taste of France without all the fat. Bush could finance the whole deal with the border control savings from the first year alone.

For a president at 30% approval, a U.S.-Canada merger (under the new name "AmeriCan") can only help. Conservatives will be thrilled to learn that Tom Tancredo was wrong – Bush's merger isn't with Mexico. Liberals will admire Canada's stance on same-sex marriage. Best of all, every American will welcome the hope that comes with any merger: the 50-50 chance that your chief executive will be the one to go.

Not that Stephen Harper would be any better, but that does sweeten the deal, doesn't it?

Rollercoaster

Amazon.com: Richard Nelson's Profile

Something very strange is happening today at Amazon. After a full two years in which my reviewer ranking has never been lower than 4,000 or higher than 2,990, today Amazon shows me at 851. Long-time readers will recall that, if this were a reflection of reality rather than a glitch, it would represent my achievement of a long-standing goal to reach the top 1,000. But I'm fairly confident order will soon be restored, and I'll be back to somewhere around 3,300.

In any case, if you haven't looked lately you may find some of my most recent reviews interesting. Those who notice every change on the blog may already know about them, as I also added a sidebar widget, titled "Recent Amazon Reviews," to spotlight my five most-recent reviews. Enjoy!

Lucky for Us

HBO: Louis C.K.: Shameless

One TV writer previewing this comedy special noted that despite the failure that was Lucky Louie, HBO continues to show faith in Louis C.K. The implication was that this faith is misplaced. The writer is wrong; thank goodness HBO knows it.

To be fair, the comedy in this special is probably not for everyone. Louis C.K. looks to his marriage and two small children for comedy, describing his four-year-old daughter as an asshole, a handjob from his wife as the saddest thing ever to happen in America, and taking an undisturbed shit as his greatest desire. But this raunch, while hilarious in its own right, carries with it an undercurrent of sweetness. Louis wishes, he says, that he could wake up one morning and not love his wife and two daughters--that would be easier. The implication, of course, is that for all the carping, he does love them.

Also hilarious is his extended discussion of how not gay he is--in the context of support for gay marriage. This discussion is then undermined twice to comedic effect, first when he admits that there's one man he's daydreamed about, and later when he talks about sitting on his friend to provide added pressure for a masturbation technique. They were, he notes, 11 years old at the time.

There's plenty of filth, then, but also heart. Well worth an hour of your time, and on tonight at 9 CST or any time on HBO On Demand.

Laser Genius Removal

The psychology of seduction | the Daily Mail

This article, which big bear Andrew Sullivan linked earlier today, cites a study that says that there is a correlation between body hair and intelligence in men. Here's the relevant section of the article:

If you want an intelligent partner - seek out a man with body hair. A recent study conducted by psychiatrist Dr Aikarakudy Alias, who has been working on the relationship between body hair and intelligence for 22 years, showed that hairy chests are more likely to be found among the most intelligent and highly educated than in the general population. Excessive body hair could also mean higher intelligence.

Dr Alias's research, which focused on medical students in the United States, showed that 45 per cent of male doctors in training were "very hairy", compared with less than 10 per cent of men overall. In a region of southern India, research among medical and engineering students and manual labourers found that both groups of students had more body hair on average than the manual workers.

Further investigations showed that when academic ranking among students was examined, the hairier men got better grades. Taking this study one step further, Dr Alias studied 117 Mensa members (who have an IQ of at least 140) and found that this group tended to have thick body hair. Some of the most intelligent men were those with hair on their backs as well as on their chests.

In other words, that's not back hair poking out the neck of my t-shirt--it's proof of genius. Which doesn't mean I wouldn't wax it all off if it didn't hurt so much!

Back on the Block

Alma Matters | Desperate Housewives | TV Watch | TV | Entertainment Weekly

This post heralds two returns. First, I'm composing it in a window created by clicking a "BlogThis!" button on my browser; this is something I hadn't been able to do since Blogger switched to its new version, and it was driving me crazy (and making me blog less frequently).

Second, Desperate Housewives returned from a month off last night, and it was back with a vengeance. Every couple was in some kind of mess: Tom and Lynette were dealing with his daughter, Kayla, who Lynette swore to raise when her mother (and would-be Tom-stealer) died. Susan and Ian were imperiled by Susan's continued feelings for Mike--who may end up in a prison relationship with the suddenly back-on-the-scene Paul Young. Bree and Orson haven't figured it out yet, but they're not really married, because Alma Hodge, his first wife, is back in town--and therefore not killed by his hand, though Monique may be another story--and only time will tell her true intentions. Gaby and Carlos clearly still dig each other, and Carlos's recitation of which flowers he would send her on which occasion was tear-inducing proof that whatever their problems, they're getting back together eventually. And Julie gave in and had sex with Austin after devilish Andrew told her that he would get it elsewhere if not from her, something we're taught is not true but turned out to be in this case, as Austin has also been carrying on with Andrew's sister, Danielle.

As this windy and breathless recap should make clear, there's a lot going on. But it's all engaging. The show is back to firing on all cylinders. Best moment: As Andrew explains men to Julie, he says the only ones who don't want to have sex with their girlfriends are gay guys. "And Austin isn't gay--not even after three beers," he says, before realizing himself and finishing, "Don't ask" as Julie and Danielle stare. Marc Cherry, please get this kid more lines!

Summer--not Endless?

Aggggghhhhhhh! Fox cancels 'The O.C.'!

Too bad my New Year's resolution wasn't something like "Stop watching shows that have gone downhill." That would have made this announcement a godsend.

Actually, season four of the show has been much better than two or three, successfully using the bizarre cast of characters those seasons left standing to create something that resembles the delightful dramedy of the first season. But even during this renaissance, it's been clear that the premise was unsustainable. Four rich, smart kids who are finished with high school are basically spending this year hanging out and having TV-style misadventures. They've got to go to college, and we all know that no show about high-school kids can successfully follow them to college.

The show ends Feb. 22, which should give them just enough time to air all 16 planned episodes if they make the finale a two-parter and air it all on one night. Get it while you can!

Dear NFL Network

If you insist on allowing Bryant Gumbel to mar your telecasts, would you please teach him proper football terminology? Failing to convert on 3rd down and choosing to punt is NOT the same thing as "turning the ball over on downs," yet Gumbel referred to it this way each time it happened during last night's New York-Washington game. Each time I caught myself wondering if I had missed something and the team had gone for it on 4th down. This was very distracting and further reduced Gumbel's almost non-existent football credibility. Perhaps you can lure another former player to join Collinsworth in the booth?

Sincerely,
Richard Nelson

I've Been Tagged

Via quite a meandering chain, I've been tagged to tell you five things you may not know about me--and tag five others to do so as well. So, Paul, Jon, James, Michele, and Zaki--you're it!

1. My favorite morning beverage is coffee--but I do not drink it. Since August I've had terrible bouts of heartburn, and eventually I realized that under the circumstances drinking coffee in the morning is very much like starting the day with a column of burning acid in my chest. But I still love the smell of brewing coffee!

2. I have put up the same Christmas tree every year since I was a boy. I bought it at Osco for $20 of hard-earned paper route money, and I still decorate it with the same ornaments and bead garland I've been using for almost 15 years. The lights, alas, have been changed a few times.

3. Before I became a staunch Democrat, my nickname was "Richard the Republican." This was in sixth grade, when I was probably the only person who even knew what a Republican was. (Though at the time I did not know that they ate babies and killed the poor in their sleep.) This folly lasted long enough that I even had a "Speaker Newt" placard on the wall of my first dorm room in college.

4. Speaking of politics, I also had an odd habit as a child of naming houseplants. This was important because I named one of them George Bush in 1991, during the Gulf War, when everyone loved him. Some time later, my mother ripped George from his pot with the cord of the vacuum cleaner--pity the fool who stands between her and a clean house! Quite soon thereafter, Bill Clinton became president. (Yes, I considered naming another plant George Bush and killing it in 2004.)

5. My life is one big sing along. When I am alone in the house or the car, I sing along with whatever music I'm playing--and often dance as well. I may refuse to bust a move at a wedding, but I am a freak in my own home.

Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays!

Hope that everyone reading is having--or had--a very happy holiday season. I know my holiday weekend kicked off with a bang. Our friends from Texas visited and we had dinner at Maggiano's; to celebrate Festivus, we went with a family-style meal and had lots of food--and fun! I can only hope the next two days of home cooking can match the delights of all-you-can-eat gnocchi and salmon and linguini and chicken parmesan and salads and tiramisu and profiteroles. Our table actually had to be expanded halfway through the meal to accommodate it all. 'Twas a sight to behold!

Happy holidays!

Still Time for Gift Giving!

If you haven't seen this video yet, you're missing out on belly laughs that will burn off at least a few Christmas cookies. This is the best thing SNL has done in a long time!

'Tis the Season...to Doubt

Gay and Evangelical, Seeking Paths of Acceptance

I feel bad for the subjects of this article. And, as we're in the thick of a season that has long been my favorite, maybe it's time to say why.

Most people who know me now know me as a very, well, agnostic person. I seeth at the notion of organized religion, and I think it's a bit arrogant to claim knowledge of an entity on the basis of an old book while simultaneously claiming the entity to be beyond all human comprehension in his majesty and glory.

See? There I go again.

And yet, folks who've known me a bit longer know that there was a time when being a good churchgoing boy was very important to me. I went every week as a child and all the way through high school, even as I chafed at the idea of being confirmed a Catholic. (I went through with it, though; technically speaking, in the eyes of the church, I'm one of them.) Even when I went off to college, I trudged off to Mass, held on Saturday nights so as not to conflict with the Sunday morning Lutheran service. I knew all the hymns by heart and could have been a reader during Mass without more than glancing at the page. Anyone who suffered through CCD will know that this was above and beyond the requirements. I loved being Catholic.

But all through this time I knew something was amiss. As it began to dawn on me what that something was, it got harder and harder to go to church. I started crying during Mass. At first it was simply tears at the beauty of the story--that the holiest of holies would give up his only son to make recompense for my wicked ways--but eventually the tears turned bitter, as I realized I was losing the stories, and the church, and everything I had known. And my wicked ways, in the eyes of the church, were partly, though not entirely, to blame

It's been at least eight years now since I was a regular churchgoer, and I don't miss the hassle of it. Meet the Press on Sunday mornings fills in nicely, though it does remove one way I might meet more friends who live close by. But I do miss the songs, the stories, and the feeling of inner certainty I once had. I've been thinking about it a lot, lately, wondering if it wouldn't be easier to just give in to the crowd and make myself believe.

I won't, of course. But that doesn't mean I don't occasionally look at the Christmas tree I've set up in the front window, surrounded by a little holiday village and stacks of carefully wrapped gifts, and wish it all meant the same thing to me that it does to others. Or that I don't look at the manger scene atop one of our bookshelves and think about what a beautiful story it represents. The holiday cannot help but permeate the season. And that brings me great joy--but it cannot help but be permeated by a tinge of sadness.